[ e s s e n c e & s p i r i t u a l i t y ]
I would be lying if I started this off by saying the past few months since returning to Australia from nearly six months of travel have been a breeze. More than anything I wanted to jump back on a plane and escape the reality of finding a new life, one that I know I need in order to see my dreams become reality. It has been an emotional time of transition. Pressured thoughts and the usual questions being asked especially whether the nomadic life full of travel and adventure is the one for me or do I need to find peace at home and focus on my health. The pressure I was putting on myself to find work, somewhere to live and everything else in between was something to throw me right off balance. Although there have been situations where I felt as though I needed to make the decision there and then, deep down I knew that I couldn’t rush. I knew that the right time for everything to fall into place would come. And it wasn’t until the end of March when I took a leap of faith and signed up to Yoga Teacher Training.
“ Be the change you wish to see in the world”- Ghandi
After deliberating over whether I could actually do it, mentally and physically, I finally committed myself. I think this could be my biggest challenge yet. Throughout the years of pain and depression yoga has been hit and miss. Some days I could get through a class okay and other days weren’t as successful. My pain turned me off doing anything and my mind became weak. It was struggle enough to get out of bed and get myself to work every day, show up and be positive let alone doing any more activity. Physician after physician advised against it, and it wasn’t until shit got a whole lot worse and I was introduced to it again through a network of clinical support. That was two years ago and the change that it has given me is something that I know I need in my life permanently. I yearned to learn more about this great gift.
Yoga is my avenue to spirit. My transition. The journey I have been on to get here and the new path of enlightenment, which after trying absolutely everything you could think of is the only path that works for me now. Living a higher state of being and of pure consciousness. It is light, energy and love. I am doing this to learn the daily practice for body, soul and mind. This is the path that will teach me only great things. Positivity, spirit, happiness, courage, strength, love, abundance. It teaches me all I need to be at peace with my existence. It teaches me not to worry about the future or mourn over my past. It teaches me to be present in the moment, live in the now, breathe it all in and love it all out. Inhale, exhale. – it is all it takes to breathe fresh air and perspective into life. Air to ignite the elements of fire, water, earth within me. Yoga combined with constant self study has taught me that it is my soul that matters most. That every cell in our body is made up of energy and in honouring the body and pushing past the pain, those unbearable moments, just etching closer and closer to pushing through is where the magic happens. It is where the light fills through me and the the pain diminishes.
After many years of struggling with my inner and outer strength on and off the mat I decided to commit myself because I know the benefits are going to get me to a place I’ve only ever dreamt of but always thought that I never deserved. In retrospect, it is crazy what one can conjure in the mind. Thoughts so powerful and damaging that the beliefs overtake any ounce of positivity and rapidly become reality. Years go by and struggles occur, negativity and self worth strain relationships, and as the world grew bigger as I felt smaller and smaller feeling like I had no place in it at all.
In such a fragile time, practicing yoga allowed me to shift my mindset and believe in something, to believe in myself. It helped me stop and realise just how far down I had let myself fall. The hole has been a hard one to crawl out of but I can see the light as I look up, I can see the sun, the sky, the stars, I can hear things and see things I was never looking at before. I can see the radiance of LIFE. I can see the synchronicities within all of this and rather than getting caught up in the noise of my mind, I am learning to observe life and listen to the heart.
I am certainly feeling the trip ups and the ego having its say, the stabs of self doubt, fear of hurt and pain. The pain that cripples me to a shell of a soul and the subsequent acts of self sabotage, the usual path of destruction. But the fascinating part in all of this, despite feeling like there is nothing left, there is always one thing and that is the will to make it better, to know better, to be better and to love with every cell in my body and know that everything is already planned out, I just need to wake up each day giving thanks and gratitude for all that is, surrender to the pain and understand that my ailments are part of me. Without the pain I feel I wouldn’t be who I am today.
This yoga teaching journey is the key to the transition of a daily practice in cultivating self love and strength.
I am blessed to be learning with such a beautiful group of souls, we each have our reasons for being there and that is what makes this journey so worth while. I am looking forward to sharing this path of inner wisdom with you.
From my heart to yours,